Four Things All Women Want to Attract
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?
Exercise Your Thinking Muscle
Oops, I Forgot to Have a Baby
Identify Your Negative Attraction Factors
Women, stop those "Stifling Thoughts"!
Get Rid of Your Energy Drainers!
What prevents us women from TAKING ACTION?
How Far Will You Go to Promote Your Career?
Women- Where the Hell's the Balance?
Every women’s unborn baby…
Moms, No More Guilt!
Mom, feeling suffocate?
Four Things All Women Want to Attract
By Orly Katz
"Why aren't I happy? I've got a successful husband, two wonderful children, a jeep, an au pair, and a great corporate job. So why aren't I happy!? Worse than that, I've lost every ounce of enthusiasm and energy. Nothing inspires or motivates me any more. I don't even know at this point what I want out of life."
A recent survey of thousands of women of all types and backgrounds – married women, single women, mothers, elderly women, businesswomen, managers, office workers, and service providers – included one sensitive question: "What would make you satisfied and content with your life?"
You might be surprised to learn that the conclusions drawn from the survey added nothing new to what we've known all along. The things we most desire in our lives are the things that always seem to lie outside our grasp. The survey results were further evidence that women aspire to four ideals in their lives which, for them, are the keys to satisfaction and contentment:
Time. The pressures of our daily environment obscure everything else. We've got no time to breathe.
Balance. Women seek balance between their work and their personal lives. They want to succeed at work without missing out on a life! They want warm, loving families at the same time they hold satisfying jobs.
Control. Women want control over themselves, over time, and over their future finances.
Purpose. Women want a reason to get up in the morning. They want to bring about change, to contribute, and to feel a sense of purpose. Women want to fill themselves with energy, passion, and a drive to do the things they truly believe in.
And what about you?
What is missing from your life? Are you attracting into your life what you really, truly want? Which of the four elements have you managed to achieve, and which are still out of your reach?
In short, do you control your life, or does your life control you?
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives. Here's a peek at the first code, The Identification Code.
The Identification Code helps you define your current situation and identify what needs improvement in order to attract what you really want from life.
The following questionnaire will help you identify your current real situation in every aspect of your life. It will give you some idea about the areas where you should begin to make changes to raise your level of satisfaction and attract the things you truly desire.
How satisfied with your life are you at the moment?
(Or: Identify if you're attracting the things that you really want)
How true are each of these statements about your life?
3 = usually, 2 = sometimes, 1 = hardly ever
Job and Career
- It's a pleasure to get up each morning. I feel my work has meaning.
- Whenever I feel the time has come to advance professionally, I act on it.
- I feel I've fulfilled myself professionally.
Couple hood
- My partner accepts and supports my ideas and initiatives.
- There is understanding and intimacy in my relationship with my partner.
- When there are problems in our relationship, my partner and I talk it over and find a solution.
Personal Growth and Development
- I devote no less time and thought to myself as I do to others; I take the time to analyze what is best for me.
- When I'm struck with the desire to learn something, I follow through on it.
- I'm always engaged in some project involving learning or personal development.
Body and Appearance
- I accept, even love, my body just the way it is.
- When people admire my clothes or hairstyle, I know their compliments are justified.
- I accept age-related changes – such as weight gain, wrinkles, and grey hair – with love.
Free Time and Hobbies
- Despite my long list of chores, I know when to say, "Stop," take a break, and pamper myself.
- I sometimes find myself so engrossed in something I enjoy doing that I lose track of time.
- I exercise regularly and feel great about it.
Friends
- After getting together with friends, I feel happy and confident.
- I have no problem sharing my successes with my friends because they give me great feedback.
- When I need someone I can talk to or ask for help, I've always got friends I can depend on.
Money
- Money worries do not keep me up at night.
- Generally, I'm satisfied with my/my family's financial situation.
- I handle unexpected expenses fairly easily because I've got savings.
Parenthood
- I'm satisfied with my parenting skills.
- I know how to set limits for my children and feel comfortable about doing so.
- I accept my children as they are and encourage them to do what they love.
Add up the points in each area, and analyze how satisfied you are, using the following key:
3-4 points: You are not at all satisfied with this area of your life!
In this area, you are actually attracting just what you don't want into your life. Rather than achieving the inner peace and quiet you seek in this area, you find only disappointment. Try to think about what's not working and how you can change something that's within your power to change, something that would make you more satisfied. Counseling or coaching might be helpful in this area. Together with a professional, you can analyze the situation in depth, get a clear picture of your current state, identify your aspirations, and outline an action plan to bridge the gap between the here-and-now and the future you envision.
5-7 points: You're occasionally or moderately satisfied with this area of your life. There's always room for improvement, so don't compromise on your ambitions. Check out what works for you in this area. How can it be expanded to increase your satisfaction? Perhaps you can hone a few skills, such as setting goals, becoming more assertive, or relinquishing some control. Greater satisfaction may be just around the corner, a lot easier to reach than is seems at the moment. Whatever you do, don't give up. Start acting!
8-9 points: You're in great shape in this area. You're satisfied with how you operate, you're dong the rights things, and you feel good. Moreover, you value these things. Keep up the good work and take a look at what you're doing right in this area. Perhaps, using the "duplication principle," you'll be able to apply what works so well here to areas where your score was not quite as high.
And there's no getting around a little homework…
After analyzing each of these areas, take a look at which ones had the three lowest scores. These are the areas in which you are least satisfied and are probably not attracting what you truly want. What conclusion can you draw?
For each of these three low-scoring areas, decide on one thing you're going to do, this very week, to make you feel better. Write them down here:
This week, I'm going to…
Remember: "Yesterday's dream is today's hope and tomorrow's reality." It's never too late to change and to make your dreams come true.
By Orly Katz
Imagine the following scenario:
You happened to be in a room when your little daughter and her girlfriend had the following conversation:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked one.
"I want to be a flamenco dancer," said the other, excitedly, her eyes sparkling. "I want to dance all over the world, in a beautiful tutu with pink sequins."
"And I want to be a famous singer, like Madonna," said the first. And grabbing a pen for a microphone, she began a makeshift performance.
And you? Yes, you. Have you ever thought to yourself: “What happened to all of my dreams? What ever became of all those things I wanted to accomplish but never did?” Things you wanted to do ten years ago, two years ago, or two weeks ago but never got around to? You didn't do these things because: “What would they say?...They'd probably laugh at me…There are others so much more capable…Who, me? What, now?...I've got guests coming tonight, and I don't even know what I'm serving…I've got to get organized for tomorrow…There's simply no time right now. Another day, perhaps”.
Well, I've got news for you. The time is now. If you want to attract the reality you desire into your life, start now. Identify that reality for yourself, the situation from which you will truly benefit. So, how do you begin?
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
Here's a peek at the second code: Find your inner core.
Identify Your Inner Core.
Hiding deep down inside each of us is a precious pearl. Over the years the pearl has become caked with mud and dirt. With this heavy coating, the pearl no longer sparkles and shines. We're not even absolutely sure it’s still there. But, if we clear a narrow path to the pearl, its light will start to shine inside us. It will influence our actions and allow us to clean away the layers of mud.
That “little something,” the “precious pearl,” represents the most important things in our lives, and if they are left unexpressed we will be held captive by feelings of frustration, despair, worry, and missed opportunity. I call this “little something” the “Inner Core.” Our Inner Core represents our true identity and what we really want, love, and yearn to do.
If we express what is within our Inner Core, we will feel a sense of satisfaction, inner peace, purpose and fulfillment, and we will radiate a positive feeling outward. This will do wonders for our ability to attract, and, eventually, so many opportunities will come our way that we will truly be more “attractive.”
And, as Usual, Statistics Make it all Clearer
Research has shown that women fall into one of three categories with respect to fulfilling their Inner Core.
Category One: The women in this category are the lucky ones, the ones who spend their time doing what they love – in their jobs, as hobbies, as volunteers, no matter what the outlet. These women get up in the morning with a song in their hearts. They have attracted into their lives the reality they truly desire. They aren't without their bad days. But they have an overall sense of satisfaction and contentment and feel they are fulfilling their potential to the fullest.
Category Two: Women in this category are not satisfied with their jobs or are lacking something in their everyday lives. They have a nagging sense of missing out. They know what they'd like to do but are afraid of taking steps to attract that desired reality into their lives. They shy away from initiating, taking chances.
Category Three: These are the women who are dissatisfied with their jobs/their daily routines/their free time activities…but have no idea what would make them more content. They know they are currently unfulfilled and want change, but they don't know which direction to take. They don't know what would bring them contentment, peace, and satisfaction. In short, they don't know what's within their Inner Core. Characteristically, they say, "If I only knew exactly what I want to do with myself, it would be a lot easier to go about doing it."
And what percentage of women falls into each of these categories? Take a guess before reading on.
Women in the first category are clearly in the minority. Only 10% of women know exactly what their Inner Core contains and manage to fulfill it. About 30% of women occupy the second category; they know what's in their Inner Core but are afraid of making the changes needed to attract that reality into their lives. A whopping 60% of women fall into the third category; they are not aware of what their Inner Core contains, have no idea what is good for them, and don't know how to attain self-fulfillment and simply feel good.
As you know, positive thinking isn’t enough. You also need to act in order to attract what you really want from life. And so, how do we go about discovering what's inside our Inner Core? The answer, of course, cannot be stated in a few brief words. So let's start with a few questions about yourself that will help clarify matters.
What Are You Passionate About?
This exercise might not be easy, but the more time you devote to it, the easier the answers will come. The responses that any woman gives to the following questions are the first step toward discovering her Inner Core:
Think of something you did in the past that made you feel…“Wow!” – Incredibly satisfied. What was it about that experience that made you feel so elated?
What do you do in your free time? What are your hobbies?
What do you like to do on weekends and vacations?
Have you ever received a prize? A certificate of commendation for excellence? If so, what did you do to earn it?
What about genetics? What did your mother/father/grandmothers/grandfathers like to do, and what were their areas of expertise?
If you could do anything without fear of failing, with guaranteed success, what would you do?
What are you curious to know more about? What things? What people?
If you had a million dollars, what would you do and how would you spend it?
For which “higher cause” do you feel committed to act?
What makes your heart beat? What makes you come alive?
And for dessert, a true story
I was sitting with three women, one of whom proudly told the others that she would soon qualify as a certified meditation instructor. She told us of her dream to open a meditation center with a small natural food restaurant attached. Her “friends” immediately pounced on her, shot down the idea. “That’s crazy ….. There’s so much work involved…it would be so stressful…you would never have any time to be with your kids.”
The woman, who looked crestfallen, mumbled, “I guess so. It really would be difficult.”
I couldn’t help myself. I turned to the “friends” and asked, “Why are you killing her dream?”
One of the women answered bitterly, “Because that’s life! I, myself, have a dream cemetery in my head.”
A “dream cemetery?”
Let’s not allow ourselves to become a cemetery for our dreams!
By Orly Katz
Suddenly, you realize you never noticed. You were so steeped in thought, anxiety, and anticipation that it just slipped by. You waited for summer vacation, so you could relax a bit, and when it approached you worried about how to spend the time with your kids and chastised yourself for not doing enough for them. You waited for the vacation to end, so you can finally get the kids off to school. You waited for a promotion at work, and when you got it you worried about how you'd deal with the extra time it required. You worried and waited, and waited and worried…and now you're sorry.
You're sorry you didn't pay enough attention when your son's first tooth poked through, sorry you didn't stop to smell that first spring rain, and sorry you didn't linger more time to gaze at that sunset. You're sorry, essentially, that you didn't enjoy the moment. You're sorry that you filled that moment with a tidal wave of anxiety. You're sorry for each time you failed to understand that the moment is a gift. That it is the real thing. That there is only now, and "now" will never return. And you know that it won't pass you by again.
Thought Control: Who's Calling the Shots, Exactly?
How long will we allow our thoughts to control us? How long will our negative over-thinking be in charge of our lives? The time has come to put a stop to this, and it is possible. We can take control of our thoughts and achieve results in our lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, we attract the things we think about. Our thoughts create our reality, and they create opportunities. Imagine yourself successful, work toward this goal, and you will succeed. Imagine yourself surrounded by true friends, and you’ll discover them. Imagine yourself failing, and – sorry to say – that is what’s likely to happen.
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
Here's a peek at the third code, The Power of Thought.
The Power of Thought
What we must do is check to see that the reality we've created for ourselves is, indeed, the reality we desire – the best reality we can hope for – and not the one that was the inevitable result of negative thinking. My term for thoughts that create a positive reality for us is "Enabling Thoughts" or "Reality-creating Thinking."
Picture your thoughts as a muscle. Until now, you’ve been exercising that muscle in a certain way, which produced a particular reality. Now, if we want to change our pattern of thinking to create a different reality, to think Enabling Thoughts, we’ve got to begin training that muscle to work differently. We have the power to train and control our thoughts.
The key lies in this one simple but important fact: We can only think about one thing at a time; we cannot concentrate our thoughts on two things simultaneously.
Does that sound strange? Try this simple exercise, which is a workout designed to strengthen our thinking muscle.
Use all your senses
When was the last time you knowingly used all five senses to experience something? You can activate all your senses by taking a nature walk.
Try and make time for a daily walk. In addition to improving your physical fitness and shaping your figure, a daily walk will relax you. As you start your walk, decide that for the next ten minutes you will concentrate solely on your sense of sight. Examine the leaves on the trees and their colors, check out the houses en route, enjoy the gardens you pass, look at the children in the playground, etc.
After that, for the next ten minutes, concentrate solely on your sense of smell. Which scents fill the air? Do you notice the scent of rain on the way? Can you sense that your neighbor just pulled a fresh cake from the oven? Do you smell the blossoms on the trees? The exhaust from the cars?
Continue with your other senses: For the next ten minutes, concentrate solely on your sense of hearing. What do you hear? The crackle of dry leaves? A baby crying? Children playing? Hints of music? Bits of TV programs?
As you continue on your walk, you’ll realize you’re using senses that you don’t normally use in this kind of situation. Unlike children, who see everything and notice every little detail, we adults, unfortunately, stopped noticing such “trivialities” long ago. We carry the burden of the world on our shoulders and are trapped in our negative over-thinking, which prevents us from enjoying the small things in life, such as flowers growing at the roadside.
You’ll be surprised to see how this short exercise has an effect on our thinking muscle to clean ourselves from the negative thoughts and start thinking Enabling Thoughts.
By Orly Katz
That was the startling headline in one of the leading magazines: "Oops, I forgot to have a baby…" The subject was age 40+ women who suddenly realized that, in the race for career, success, and salary, something had slipped their minds. They'd forgotten to have children – to create a family nest alongside their career nest. The article explored the feelings of women who had devoted their entire lives to their careers and were now spending a good deal of their time and resources on fertility treatments that had no guarantee of success.
A recent survey of Thousands of women in the U.S. touched on a highly sensitive issue: How do you define success in your life? What would give you a sense of satisfaction and peace? The respondents were married women, single women, mothers, elderly women, businesswomen, managers, office workers, and service providers
(married and single women, some of them also mothers. They were all employed, in a range of jobs and ranks – some business owners, others salaried employees, still others freelancers).
You might be surprised to learn that the survey results added nothing new to what we've known all along. The things we most desire in our lives are the things that always seem to lie outside our grasp. The responses gave further evidence that women aspire to four ideals in their lives which, for them, are the keys to satisfaction and contentment:
- Time – time for their families, their partners, their friends, and, yes, for themselves. The pressures of our daily environment obscure everything else. We've got no time to breathe much less smile or just enjoy ourselves a little.
- Balance – Women seek balance between their work and their personal lives. They want to succeed at work without missing out on a life! They want warm, loving families at the same time they hold satisfying jobs.
- Control – Over themselves, over time, and over their future finances. They want to act, not react. Great numbers of women launch independent projects or become entrepreneurs. And 38% of all companies in the U.S. are owned by women!
- Purpose – Women want a reason to get up in the morning. They want to bring about change, to contribute, to feel a sense of purpose. Women want to fill themselves with energy, passion, and drive to do the things they truly believe in.
Brenda Barnes was the CEO of Pepsi when suddenly, at age 43, she handed in her resignation. The Wall Street Journal devoted two whole articles to the story. The first discussed Barnes specifically. What motivated her to make this weighty decision? She was quoted as saying that after 20 years of missed birthdays, hotel stays, sleepless nights, and hours not spent with her husband and close friends, she decided it was time to stop. When else, if not now? She just set her mind to it and did it. The second Wall Street Journal article focused on reactions to Barnes' resignation. Who do you think was more supportive, men or women?
You're right – it was men. They understood her reasons and backed her decision. Women, on the other hand, reprimanded her. They sent her letters with comments like, "How can you do this to us?
Barbara Barnes replied by saying, "I didn't do this to you, or you, or you. . . . I did it for myself and my family. For me, the definition of success is choice. I choose spending more time with my family now. I don't want to miss another birthday. . . I'll now find something that doesn't force people to give up their lives for power!"
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here are a few questions to consider as you set out to apply the Law of Attraction:
Are you in the right place? Are you doing what you really want to be doing?
Do you strike a balance between what is nearest and dearest to you and all the rest? Or are you paying too high a price to maintain "all the rest?" Do you know why you get out of bed each morning? Do you have the impulse to do something that emanates from down deep inside – something you do enthusiastically, joyfully, passionately? Are you attracting into your life the things you truly desire or the things you would rather avoid?
In other words, do you control your life, or does your life control you?
I'm not suggesting, of course, that each of you quit her job tomorrow. That's not a viable option for most of us. But if you want to attract the reality you long for, you certainly should be doing some introspection, checking your priorities, and keeping these concepts in mind: time, balance, control, and purpose.
By Orly Katz
It's the middle of the night. Everyone's asleep but you're tossing and turning, still recalling that regrettable conversation you had that day, blaming yourself for what you said and what you didn't say. With each passing moment, the waking nightmare grows larger, growing to such monstrous proportions that you're totally engulfed. You know that the next day you'll be back to your regular routine: office, paperwork, more paperwork, still more paperwork, telephone calls, e-mails, reports. But with no hint of initiative. No speck of creativity. No sparkle in your eyes. You know you're appreciated at work, but you also have no illusions. You're unhappy there. You're comprising! Sure, the hours are good. And you certainly have mastered your job. But what about all the rest? What happened to that young woman who just entered the job market and envisioned a bright future ahead? Believed she would fulfill ambitions and achieve great things? Now, you haven't got the courage to make the necessary change. Once again, you just toss up your hands in defeat.
And then morning finally arrives. You wake up all puffy-eyed from your nearly sleepless night and drag yourself over to the full-length mirror. But instead of reciting, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's loveliest woman of all?" you start scrutinizing every single fault you see. You discover another wrinkle on your brow, another bulge around your chin, and, continuing your masochistic gaze downward, you examine the rest of the less-than-virgin territory.
Does that sound familiar?
As women, negative thoughts seep into our minds every day and prevent us from attracting the reality we desire into our lives. They keep us from progressing, succeeding, and loving our lives. How many times have we given up and left the path we were traveling on, just because we thought we would never reach our destination, thought we weren't good enough to make it? How many times have we stopped trying to achieve what we long for in order to satisfy someone else's longings? How often have we done this to the point where we don't even remember what it is we long for? How often have we lost sight of our passions, the things that truly do us good? And I mean us, not our neighbors.
So, what can we do?
There's light at the end of the tunnel. In my book, Women, Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their life. Here's a peek at the first, the Identification Code.
Meet and identify the NAF, our Negative Attractive Factor. Our NAF is our negative voice that leads us to attract into our lives what we do not want and what is not good for us. The NAF creates our current situation and prevents us from changing it to one we truly desire. In short, it keeps us from being attractive!
How does it do this? The NAF instills us with fear, and, as a result, it determines the vibes we send out. The most dominant of these vibes are negative, and they are the ones that eventually attract the things we don't want into our lives.
And now, I've got news for you. Each and every one of us has an NAF. But each of us has her personal, particular type of NAFs. As you probably know, that "asset" does not belong to women alone. Our friends, men, suffer from NAFs to the same degree. But their types are male NAFs, and that's the subject of another article…
Our NAF has a many-branched, hopelessly tangled family tree, consisting of generations of NAFs – brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents, you name it. Each of these NAFs has a name and specific function. Each specializes in a particular kind of bullying.
There's an NAF responsible for our fear of stating our opinions publicly. (The "What will they say? NAF"). It echoes through our head and tells us that the minute we say what we think, people will make fun of us, get angry, or become hurt. After that NAF says what it has to say, we actually attract these undesirable situations into our lives.
And so we don't open our mouths.
It's true, our expectations come true.
There's an NAF responsible for our fear of failure (the "Failure NAF"). It prevents us from trying new things only because there's a chance we will fail.
There are NAFs responsible for the suffering our outward appearance causes us (the "Uglybug NAF," "Fatso NAF," "Wrinkly NAF"…) They tell us repeatedly that we're fat, that we've gotten old, and that we're not attractive.
There's an NAF responsible for our fear of illness (the “Hypochondriac NAF”). It tells us that every doctor's visit will bring on a catastrophe. And, in the end, we attract not only thoughts of sickness but the sickness itself.
And on and on. This list goes on.
By simply knowing that NAFs exist and learning to identify them, we're already well on our way to solving the problem. By acknowledging our NAFs' existence, we calm them and significantly weaken them. In doing so, we clear the stage for our other voices, optimistic voices that have had no opportunity to make themselves heard before. It'sour optimistic voices that are responsible for attracting what is truly important to us into our lives.
As you know, positive thinking isn't enough. You also need to act in order to attract what you really want from life.
Get to know your NAFs and how they operate by doing the following exercise:
What are your NAFs?
Just as calorie counting helps us to follow a diet and lose weight, surveillance of our NAFs helps us to keep them in check.
Over the next week, note carefully exactly how many times each one of your NAFs attacks you, and exactly what it says to you.
You can speed up the Identificationprocess and weaken the effect of the NAFs by simply being aware of which ones are active and when and how they operate.
NAF:…………………………………………………………
What it says: .…………………………………………….…
When it attacks: ……………………………….……………
NAF:…………………………………………………………
What it says: .…………………………………………….…
When it attacks: ……………………………….……………
NAF:…………………………………………………………
What it says: .…………………………………………….…
When it attacks: ……………………………….……………
NAF:…………………………………………………………
What it says: .…………………………………………….…
When it attacks: ……………………………….……………
The very fact that we are aware of our NAF and not ignoring its existence means that we're already on the road to finding a solution. Most of the time, we tend to ignore our NAFs, or get angry at them and sweep them under the rug. Then we end up with exactly what we don't want: the NAFs grow, take root even deeper within us, and continue to harass us. The result is that we attract into our lives what we clearly do not want.
But if we take stop for a moment and become aware of our NAFs, we'll understand what they're telling us and how they influence our actions. We'll also see them calm down somewhat, and it's during that lull, that we can listen to our optimistic voices, which attract into our lives the reality we desire. And so,
All that remains is to wish you pleasant and successful results as you begin to attract!
Orly Katz
As you read the article in the newspaper, you couldn't help but get angry. It was based on an interview with a former model who had become an overnight superstar. When asked why she'd disappeared from the fashion runway, she said that after having a baby she would not, under any circumstances, consider leaving her greatest joy, her treasure, to return to work. It would, she said, have a terrible impact on the infant, who would suffer the effects later in life. As much as she truly loved her profession, she could not see herself returning to it. And she could not fathom the type of mother who willingly chooses to pursue her career rather than stay at home to raise her children. You read the article again and again, your blood rising higher each time. You wanted to tell that model that you respect her decision to be with her newborn 24/7 and admire the fact that she doesn't feel constrained or exhausted…
But that you are the type of woman who would leave her child with a nanny. You would sometimes prefer just being alone or joining some friends over a cup of coffee without having to rock a baby carriage the whole time. You would choose to go to work to fulfill yourself professionally, at the same maintaining your role as a good and caring mother.
You wanted to tell that model, given your respect for her choices, that perhaps she should respect yours as well. Perhaps she should be less judgmental of you and women like you. And you wanted to tell her something else – that her whole theory, which is based on one particular view of motherhood, may actually be restricting her. Perhaps its take on reality is too limited. Isn't it possible, in today's world, to be a mother and have a fulfilling career? There may be no conflict between the two at all.
Allow me to placate you and help get something straight. That model's theory is based on a restrictive belief: "If I go to work, I'll be terrible mother." This restrictive belief is one type of "stifling thought." It is a stifling thought that prevents her from attracting into her life what is truly good for her. What do I mean?
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here's a peek at the third code: The Power of Thought.
Sometimes, hidden among the piles of knowledge we’ve accumulated, we’ve got a collection of information that is based entirely on false assumptions. These are our stifling thoughts. Stifling thoughts destroy "enabling thoughts" – the ones that allow us to create and attract a positive reality for ourselves. In other words, our stifling thoughts lead us to attract the things we don’t want into our lives, rather than the things we want!
Don’t worry. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. The Law of Attraction doesn’t act according to the vibes we sent out five minutes, five months, or five years ago. It operates on the vibes we’re sending out right now. By identifying our stifling thoughts, and choosing thoughts that create a positive reality, we change the vibes we emit from negative to positive, and change our thoughts from stifling to enabling.
A thought that restricts beliefs is one example of a stifling thought based on false assumptions. This type of thought leads us to believe that taking a particular course of action will produce only one possible result. It is based on the false assumption that only one outcome is possible if we act in a particular way. For example: "If I work outside the home, I’ll be a terrible mother." "If I enroll in that course I’m interested in, I won’t have time for my housework." "If I want to work from home, I’ll have to give up my profession."
If we identify our restrictive beliefs, which function as stifling thoughts, we can keep them from taking root. We can create a situation in which we attract into our lives the reality we desire – not a less desirable one.
The following exercise will help you identify your restrictive beliefs, which are, essentially, thoughts that stifle your actions. By simply identifying them, you'll already be on the road to attracting the reality you desire.
Identify the Beliefs that Prevent you from Acting
Think about things you believe that prevent you from taking certain actions.
On what false assumptions are these beliefs based?
What do you have to gain by holding these beliefs?
What do you have to lose?
- How can you counter them?
- What is the first thing you’ll do to deal with them?
- When will you start?
- What mantras can you recite to help rid yourself of these beliefs and turn your stifling thoughts into enabling thoughts?
Good Luck!
Orly Katz
You got to work early this morning but hesitate a moment before entering your office. You take a quick, terrified glance at your desk, and its sarcastic smile says it all: "You had it coming." Piles of reports, booklets, letters, memos, and Post-it notes cover the surface. You sit down at the computer, go to your Inbox, and wait five minutes for all the new messages to download. Then you comb through the hundreds you haven't had a chance to screen, looking – like a needle in a haystack – for that one important message you got the day before yesterday but haven't had a chance to reply to. You reprimand yourself with the usual repertoire: "You've been lax. You should have organized things/answered all this mail/cleared off your desk/made those phone calls…" and on and on.
You get a chill as you return home that late fall evening and realize you've still got to pack away those summer clothes and pull out the sweaters and sweats from the back of your closet. Your little girl is cold, and you burrow around the top drawer of her dresser and grab the first sweater you find, even though the sleeves are now way too short. It will do in the meantime, until you have the chance to sort through her clothes, give away what's too small, and buy whatever's needed. And again, you scold yourself: "You should have already straightened out these closets and drawers. Here it is, late October, and your kids look like little waifs, walking around in summer clothes they've outgrown."
That night, after you've completed all your routine chores and put out all fires, and everyone else is fast asleep, you crawl into bed sighing deeply and thinking to yourself, "I haven't got the strength. I can't do it all. My energy level is just too low." And you know, deep inside you, that tomorrow will come and you won't do a thing to change matters.
So, what, nevertheless, can you do? How can you find the strength, motivation, ambition, or whatever it takes to do those tasks that drain your energy completely, drop by drop, and leave you no time for other endeavors?
In my book, Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here's a peek at the fifth code, Your Environment.
The environment around us has the power to lift us up or repress us. The Energy Drainers in our environment, like little packmen, eat away at us, bit by bit. But back to that question: How can we accomplish all we need to? It's very simple. We get rid of our Energy Drainers!
Energy Drainers are all those little things that trouble and nag us, things we know only we can attend to because 1) any problems that arise will look like our fault, and 2) we'll have even more work to do later if we don't solve the problems at hand. Still, we come to terms with not acting, either ignoring our tasks completely or putting off the work for some other day. In the end, the tasks keep piling up, relentlessly haunting us and squeezing out all our precious energy.
There are energy drainers in every aspect of our lives: mortgage or rent payments, a car in need of repair, outstanding bills, a troublesome relationship – large things and small that, like thorns, get stuck in our lives.
How many times have we decided to sort through all those toys and games and get rid of what our kids have long stopped playing with? To dig our way through the pile to get to those dolls and toy tractors that have been buried for years?
How many times have we decided to take our broken appliances in for repair (or ask our "other half" to tinker with) but never do so and end up getting used to burned toast and radios that play only one station.
The examples are as numerous as grains of sand.
Coming to terms with these things means learning to live with them. We postpone having to deal with them and begin to believe that, in the end, they can't even be dealt with. But every time we encounter these sorts of situations (which is every day), another drop of our energy drains away. We learn to put up with the "nagging." We don't change that burned-out light bulb, don't set any boundaries at work, don't work on that troubled relationship. But there's a price to pay for learning to live with these things.
If we learn to live with troublesome phenomena, even the smallest types, and make no effort to rid ourselves of them, how do we end up feeling? Uncomfortable, angry, tense, and drained of all our energy.
We all know that the things we do drain us of our energy. But the things we don't do have the very same effect. They drain our mental and emotional energy, which we could be devoting to much more enjoyable endeavors.
And now, an even bigger question: How can we get rid of our energy drainers? The answer, banal as it sounds, is to simply start doing. Stop pushing off tasks for later, because later there will only be more. Decide on a few iron-clad rules, and stick to them. For example:
Decide that you will deal with every incoming e-mail message immediately – delete it, file it, answer it, just don't let it sit there. Decide that you will file, toss, or otherwise deal with every piece of paper that clutters your desk – before you need a bulldozer to clear it all away. Decide that you will make that dentist's appointment right now. Just call and do it – before your jaw starts to swell and ache.
In other words, the moment we realize that one particular task is beginning to drive us crazy with its nagging, we'll know we have an Energy Drainer on our hands. And we'll know it's time to say STOP. That's the task that will prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire.
The following exercise, taken from my book, will set you on your way:
Action Steps- Take the Initiative and Get Rid of Your Energy Drainers
Under each “environment” heading, note three things that disturb you and drain your energy:
Human Environment (family, friends, boss…):
1. …………………………………………………………
2. …………………………………………………………
3. …………………………………………………………
Physical Environment (home, office…):
1. …………………………………………………………
2. …………………………………………………………
3. …………………………………………………………
Conceptual Environment (T.V, internet, books, newspapers…):
1. …………………………………………………………
2. …………………………………………………………
3. …………………………………………………………
Now select one energy drainer from each category and start to work on it:
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Energy Drainer
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Energy Drainer
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Conceptual Environment
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Energy Drainer
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The obvious conclusion is that if we manage to get rid of our Energy Drainers, we will feel a new flow of energy and satisfaction. All those small, pesky matters will stop plaguing us. With every task we complete, we'll feel better, as if a weight has been lifted from our shoulders. And, believe it or not, we'll have more strength, and even more time. For what? For attracting into our lives what is really important to us, of course.
And one more small thing: Don't think for a minute that our male friends are without Energy Drainers of their own…
By Orly Katz
Positive thinking isn’t enough. You also need to act in order to attract what you really want from life…
Who hasn't gone through that traumatic experience of approaching the boss to ask for a raise? We got dressed in our best-looking attire, prepared all our arguments in advance – why we think we deserve a higher salary; what we've contributed, achieved, learned – and armed ourselves with a range of responses to any possible reply. Everything was well rehearsed, your delivery and timing was perfect, and then wham! The moment comes, and your boss is sitting right there in front of you, looking at you in a patronizing way and wondering what in the world we're talking about. What's all the fuss about? Do we really think he's got excess funding or income at this point to offer us a raise? Don't we understand how difficult things are now? Can't we see that this is not the time to even broach the subject?
And we're at loss for words. Just let this nightmare end, we're thinking. Just don't let anyone see us in this sorry state. Back at our desks, all we want to do is hide behind a huge pile of paperwork and not show our heads until it's time to go home. And then we make the inevitable decision: never, but never again will we be tempted to ask for a raise.
But – and this is a most important “but” – our decision was 100% wrong. If we feel we aren't earning enough and deserve a higher salary,
Positive thinking won’t solve our problem. However, by approaching the boss to ask for a raise, chances are we’ll walk away with the raise we wanted, or we’ll walk away disappointed after that conversation.
In short, after acting there is a chance for success! There is a chance that we’ll attract into our lives just what we’re after. Sitting in front of the computer, thinking about the raise, without daring to act, however, reduces those chances of success to zero!
Therefore, any initiative is most definitely a form of action. It may be unpleasant, but it increases our chances of attracting and achieving what we desire, even if that first step is a small and hesitant one.
How often do we choose to remain passive and avoid taking initiatives? We're afraid of failure, afraid of change, afraid of breaking our habits, afraid of what others will think. But, if our current situation is that bad, any action on our part can improve matters, even slightly.
What, then, can we do?
My book- Women, Decode the Law of Attraction, presents six very simple and effective codes for women, for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives. Here's a peek at the sixth code, Spring into Action.
The first thing we should do in order to spring into action is to step out of our Comfort Zone. But the problem is that We are comfortable in our comfort zone!
Our comfort zone consists of all those things that don’t threaten or deter us – familiarity, routine, habits, behavior patterns, and a “place” we know well. We operate within a comfort zone that doesn’t present a challenge to us. We stay there because we feel uneasy whenever we venture beyond it.
We're not willing to set foot outside. Any time we do make the attempt to leave the boundaries of our comfort zone, it's hard, even hard deciding to take that first step. The reason is so simple. We've also got something to gain by staying there. Until we recognize what we're gaining and weigh it against what we're losing by staying in that very same comfort zone, we won't be able to take that first step and prepare ourselves for the task. In short- we won’t start acting!
In one of my workshops, while I was explaining the idea of the comfort zone, and the importance of locating it and then stepping out of it, one women suddenly said, "I know what my comfort zone is… My comfort zone is – food and fat! I feel comfortable when I eat, and when I keep on eating."
"And so," I asked her, "What are you losing by staying in that comfort zone?"
"Oh," she answered. "I'm getting fatter, pound by pound, and I'm ruining both my health and my appearance."
"In other words," I said, "the loss is clear to you. So why do you keep overeating? There must be some gain hidden there – besides the gain in weight. Try finding that gain that's hiding in your comfort zone."
"The gain," she responded, "is the compensation and comfort I get from the food. I feel good when I eat. It relaxes me and pampers me."
"And I'm telling you there's some other gain hiding there, deeper inside. And if you don't find it, it's going to be very hard for you to step out of your comfort zone and cut down on what you eat."
The woman went home with my "assignment" still ahead of her. She promised she'd think about it before the next workshop. When that day came, she entered the room excitedly. Her voice shaking, she said, "I discovered the real gain hiding behind all those pounds of fat. I know why I've been steadily gaining weight for the past five years. I believe that if I'm fat, I can avoid having sex very often with my husband. If I'm physically repulsive, he won't be attracted to me, and he won't demand sex all the time. As far as I'm concerned, our marriage has reached a status quo I can live with. The fact is that I'm no longer that interested in sex."
"Now we're talking," I told her. "In coaching jargon, that's what we call a 'pivotal moment.' It's the point when the process changes direction. Now you see what's really hiding there deep inside your comfort zone. You've identified the gain, and now you can balance it against the loss, decide what your next steps will be, and begin to act in a way that attracts into your life – finally – the reality you truly want." Each of us has a different comfort zone. No matter what that zone consists of, if we stay inside we'll never flex our "taking chances" muscle – the one that allows us to live with uncertainty. We'll never take any initiative, make any changes, or act to achieve and attract something better for ourselves.
To begin flexing that action muscle, venturing out of our comfort zone, and attracting the reality we desire, we should start small.
Begin by leaving the confines of your comfort zone for minor, everyday things, and take action. That way it will be much easier for you to leave the comfort zone at more challenging times.
The following exercise will help you take those first steps outside your own comfort zone.
Just do it…
Over the course of the next week, choose something new each day that signifies a step outside your comfort zone – even if the current situation seems preferable. For example:
Decide to change your hairstyle.
Wear clothes that aren’t your usual colors.
Allow your children free reign in something they’d like to do.
Say “No!” just to see what happens.
Drive a different route to wherever you’re going that day.
The idea is to practice leaving the safety of the comfort zone.
How did you feel the first time you made a change and left the comfort zone? How did you feel the second time, and the time after that? Was it so terribly difficult?
And now, all that's left for you to do is keep a diary, noting each time you succeeded in leaving your comfort zone and attracting something you desire.
By Orly Katz
What do you think?
Is it worth flirting at work as a means of advancing your career?
- Is it worth wearing a low-cut blouse and push-up bra when meeting with clients?
- Is it worth sending provocative e-mails to colleagues at the office?
- Is it worth giving your boss a back massage at work if it looks like he could use one?
- Is it worth crossing your legs in such sexy fashion that even Sharon Stone could learn a thing or two?
(Let's ignore, for now, the question of whether or not you're married.)
Is it worth doing any of these things to move upward in your career?
The answer, most definitively, is NO.
USA Today published the results of research on women's flirtatious behavior in the workplace. The subjects were university-educated women ranging in age from twenty- to sixty-something (the average being the early 40s). 51% of the women reported never having flirted at work, and 49% said they flirted occasionally. The researchers also noted that the salaries of the "decent" women were higher than those of the flirtatious women. And for every three of the "decent" women who had earned a job promotion, only two of the flirtatious women had done the same.
In other words, flirtatious behavior at work brings negative results. It's not worth it!
So, what's going on at work, and how can we women get ahead?
What's happening is very simple. We women, unlike men, underestimate our own achievements, or we attribute our success to luck, or to someone's help. Even if we're extremely proud of ourselves, we won't let anyone else know. If we're praised for some excellent work we've done, we tend to say, "Oh, it was nothing, really" or "Well, I got a lot of help." We do this in order to maintain a sense of cooperation and partnership with our colleagues. We're wary of appearing arrogant or self-centered and afraid we'll lose the support of other women. We (again, as opposed to men) prefer to think that if we work hard, others will recognize and appreciate our achievements.
But at our place of work, being modest and downplaying our talents gives a different impression – that we're not very efficient. When we chalk up our achievements to luck, we lead our boss to believe just that and, in turn, to question how capable we really are.
There is nothing wrong with responding to a colleague's compliment by saying, "Yes, I'm quite proud of that myself," and then adding, "I could never have done it without the help of…" There is nothing wrong with standing out from the crowd, taking credit for our achievements, and sharing our pride with others.
In the working world, the same decision-makers with control over job promotions needs our help in selecting the most suitable people to promote. If we don't link our name to our successes, someone else will surely be there to take the credit and, quite logically, get the promotion.
So, how can I trumpet my achievements without going overboard?
In my book- Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
We must remember that being modest and self-effacing at work is a way to get ahead without having to belittle any of our co-workers. Any other type of advancement is not a function of modesty! If we want to attract the reality we desire into our lives, at work as well, it's good to keep mind that when a man promotes himself, he isn't necessarily putting others down. He's simply letting people know the facts so that they can rely on him.
Achieving advancement based on positive results – now that's the healthy way to self-esteem.
To stand up for ourselves and draw attention to our accomplishments in a man's working world, we must make frequent use of the word "I" and avoid relying on the word "We." Practice doing so until you feel comfortable – no longer ego-centric or arrogant. It will be strange at first but you'll soon be doing it very naturally. To promote themselves in the right way, women and men submit progress reports to their supervisors, send them copies of positive feedback from clients and colleagues, propose recommendations for change, make connections with others over lunch and on other occasions, and fill their offices with impressive diplomas, certificates, awards, and photographs.
Remember: If you did it but didn't let anyone know you did it, it's as if you didn't do it at all. And now you can add: I did it, I said I did it, and I didn't flirt in the process.
(Walking the tightrope and learning to juggle)
By Orly Katz
Our endless pursuit of the balance we so long for begins the moment we become parents. We hope that giving birth will have no effect on our lives. We hope that – poof – we'll jump right back in the water and pick up where we left off, even be slightly ahead of the game.
Then, without any warning, we get that slap in the face. Suddenly, there are conflicts. What takes priority? Our home, children, and everything wrapped up in that package, or our careers? As it happens, we face two types of conflicts:
The house-work conflict – Problems that crop up at home (with our spouses, children, and other matters) affect our work performance. In other words, we bring our homes with us to the office, and our work suffers as a result.
The work-house conflict (our major concern for now) – Problems that crop up at work (pressures large and small, bosses on our tail, unfinished projects, frequent business trips, the chance of a promotion) affect our home, children, and spouses. We bring our work home with us and have very little time for what we consider most valuable. This latter conflict is much more meaningful for women than for men.
If we women were asked to name the greatest achievement of our lives, we would all say the same thing – our children. And therein lies the paradox: the investment we make in the things we consider most dear to us is far less than what we would prefer.
And what about our children? What do they really want?
Prof. Ellen Galinsky, President of the Families and Work Institute, conducted a large-scale study of children ages 8-18. She asked them a simple question: "What do you want?" It turned out that the children supported their parents' careers. They were pleased that their fathers and mothers had interesting jobs. But – and this is a significant "but" – the children wanted parents who are around more often and are less pressured. That is, when you get home from work, your children really want you to be there – at home, with them. They don't want you at home wearing your mobile phone earpiece, checking your e-mail, or admonishing them with "Don't bother me now. Can't you see I'm busy?"
One of the myths about childcare that has shattered completely in recent years is "quality time." Quality time is a sedative that we invented for ourselves to sooth our aching consciences. Children are in need of no quality time between 7:30 and 8:15 p.m. in the form of working together on a jigsaw puzzle, playing Scrabble, or building the world's highest Lego tower. Our children simply want us to be there for them. They want quantity, not quality time. They want a mother who's available, who can hug them when there's a problem, kiss them when something hurts. They want you to soothe their hurt feelings when a friend calls them names or a teacher reprimands them. They want you there when these things happen, not later, when you've come home impatient and exhausted.
How have we been coping so far?
What creative (but not necessarily effective) solutions have we come up with to maintain our role as expert jugglers in the crazy circus of our lives?
- We've reduced our emotional needs to a minimum: We've got no friends. We hardly ever go out. We do nothing for our souls. We have, for all intents and purposes, stopped living. At the same time, we've trimmed back the emotional needs of our children. They don't need much, either. ("It's okay for Mommy to go abroad for a business trip one week every month.")
- We've become parental service consumers: A recently newspaper article carried the title, "Hi-tech Orphans." Yes, that sort of job can be a type of child abandonment. Can parental services really be purchased? Does the sentence, "What a good, sweet boy you are!" have the same effect coming from a nanny as it does coming from a mommy? And how much logic is contained in the following comment? "Of course I put my children's needs first – I'm paying a fortune for their nanny."
- We've given the men a new place in the equation: There is no question that men have become increasingly more involved in childcare in recent years, and balance has become an issue for them as well. But, with all due respect for equality, it's still women who are shouldering most of the burden. Research has shown that women can break through the glass ceiling when their husbands become stay-at-home dads. That research project ended, unfortunately, after five years of monitoring because most of the couples involved got divorced. This, clearly, is not the ideal solution.
So what CAN we do about it?
In my book- Women, Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives. According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
A short exercise from my book to help us find that balance
The Time Pie Chart
Too often, we rely on an age-old excuse for failing to do something: "I didn't have the time."
Your daily routine is probably jam-packed, and the following tip might help you organize the mess a bit.
Draw a pie chart divided into twenty-four segments, each segment representing an hour of the day.
On a separate sheet of paper, list the categories of activities that make up your daily routine. For example: children, partner, work, sleep, chores, leisure activities, telephone calls, friends, sport, hobbies, etc.
After you've completed the list of categories, go back to the pie chart and work out how many hours of each day you spend on each. Use a different color for each category to fill in as many segments as needed. For example:
Work 9 hours 9 segments
Sleep 7 hours 7 segments
Children 4 hours 4 segments
Carry on until you've filled in all the segments. Now all that remains is to check to see how you divide your time in the course of a day. Is it balanced? Do you spend too much time in one area at the expense of another? Do you leave enough time for yourself, or for hobbies?
Now prepare another, more balanced, chart. And don't just settle for a drawing. Try putting it into practice.
You'll be surprised to discover that even though time is a precious commodity, it is actually quite flexible and can be divided in ways that that suit your desires and values.
And for dessert, if we're already dealing with pies…
We've come to the million-dollar question, one that will raise your conscience to new levels of guilt and send you racing to the kitchen:
Who baked the cake the last time your child had a birthday?
If you didn't raise your hand, is that a sign that your career is more important to you? Research says that that's the case, at least from your child's point of view.
And I, who, on most days, avoid the kitchen as if I were allergic to it, and whose chronically bare refrigerator has been called a "haunted house," am running off to find all the ingredients I need for a cake – for no special occasion at all, just to have one around for the weekend and fill the house a wonderful scent, the scent of home.
By Orly Katz
Most any woman reading this sentence at the moment, has a yet-to-be-born baby. That baby is anything we really, truly long for and dream about but, for some reason, constantly eludes us. It's something that will bring calm and contentment as soon it comes our way. But it keeps evaporating into thin air, and we're left empty-handed. It's not that we aren't working for it. In fact, we never stop trying to make it happen. Still, it refuses to come. The thing we long for so fervently just isn't there.
So what happens? Slowly but surely, we find ourselves heading into emotional turbulence, plagued by self-inflicted pressure and obsession. Yes, obsession, strong enough to drive us crazy. We can barely think of anything else. Everything comes around, somehow, to that thing we so desire. It's all or nothing. As long as we're without it, nothing else is good enough for us. The only way we'll be able to get our lives back on track is to achieve that one thing…
If you can identify with that phenomenon, this is the article for you.
Barbara, 30-something and the mother of two grown children, decided with her husband to bring another baby into the world. They loved the idea of a having a toddler run around the house again, making them smile and beam with delight. The couple would have a youngster at home at the same time their older children were leaving, and that child would charm everyone with hugs, kisses, and tickles.
Barbara's first two pregnancies came about very quickly. But not this one. It was as if her body was simply not responding to the call. Each time her monthly period was due, she crossed her fingers and hoped for a no-show, but, as if out of spite, there it came, precisely on time, as if synchronized by a Swiss watch. And each month Barbara grew more depressed: It's not going to work this time, she thought, I haven't got a chance.
Barbara, who held a top-level position at a hi-tech firm, began a series of fertility treatments. She suffered through them all, meeting nothing but disappointment at every stage. Her body was still not responding.
Her performance at work plummeted. Even when she wasn't taking one of her many days off, her mind was elsewhere, never on the work before her. At home, she didn't function much better. Her children were aware of the change and felt their mother was no longer there for them. Barbara was totally preoccupied with bringing another child into the world. She dropped all her social activities, had no interest in planning family vacations, and sank even further into depression any time she saw a pregnant woman. Her biological clock was ticking away, she knew, and the questions that ran through her mind in an endless loop were, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"
For you, Barbara – and for any other woman in a similar situation, whose dream for a baby or anything else very much desired has yet to come true – I would like to offer a theory that appears in my book- Women, Decode the Law of Attraction.
The book presents women with six very simple and effective codes for applying this law in their lives. According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
That theory I propose appears in the sixth code- Spring into Action, and is contained in a single short phrase, just a few words that happen to carry a world of meaning: "The art of letting go."
Just…let go. Sometimes, just saying those two words to my coachees evokes a huge sigh of relief. Just let it loose. First of all, let yourself loose. Free yourself of your expectations, your disappointments, and everything wrapped up in them. Let up on the reins a bit. If it happens, it happens. That would be fine. But if it doesn’t happen, there will always be other avenues, other alternatives. Sometimes it’s best to reconstruct the dream itself. Don’t lose proportions. Take a deep breath and let go! What I’m advising is to liberate yourself and tame your obsession. Only when you relax will you have the ability to attract anything positive into your life.
The art of letting go enables the Law of Attraction to bring your desires into your life in its own time, place, and manner. Letting go doesn’t mean getting second best. It allows the Law of Attraction to realize your dream – or a variation of it – in the best way possible.
Is there something you’re not attracting because you’re trying so hard, or insisting that it come in a particular way or at a particular time? Let it go. Trust the Law of Attraction to bring it to you at the perfect time and in the perfect way.
Remember that some things take time. There’s no way of being certain when it will come, or where or how. You simply have to accept the fact that it will happen at the right moment. If you’ve reached the optimal state of relaxation, it surely won’t be long. All you need to do is wait patiently and go whichever way the universe is flowing. If you can ride the waves of change that are bound to come as part of the process, everything will work out for the best.
And now, for the million dollar question: “When should I let go? How will I know when the time comes to relax a bit and shift to a lower gear?” The answer, according to the Art of Letting Go, is very simple: Let go when the price you are paying gets too high! Let go when you’ve done everything you can and you’re beginning to get carried away. Let go when your negative voices start going wild. And, most importantly, let go when you find you’ve stopped paying attention to those flowers at the roadside, and the only thing on your mind is that single destination at the end of the path. Take it easy, and bring back the smile to your face.
It’s an old saying: “Who is that enemy riding on my back if not me, riding on myself?”
By Orly Katz
Imagine the following scene:
It's 4:30 in the afternoon. You sit back in your office chair, knowing the day is about to end and you'll soon be enjoying an hour or two with the children – getting in some of that quality time you vowed to set aside. You check your e-mail one last time and file away what you need to. You take a deep breath that signals the end of this part of the day. And then it comes. A knock at the door, followed by the entrance of two colleagues in a state of panic. They blurt out something about an emergency meeting – now. You glance at your watch, and it looks back with a cold and piercing stare. Yes, that's right, you won't have time today, either…
One essential call before you join the meeting – to the neighbor's babysitter. Maybe she can fill in for you again today. It takes some convincing, but she finally agrees. During the entire meeting, your mind is on one thing alone: getting up and leaving, going home to those kids who are waiting for you. You can't concentrate on what's being said. All you hear is your own inner voice saying, "What kind of mother am I? This is wrong. I didn't have to stay."
Does that sound familiar?
Those unbearable pangs of guilt ruin everything. Our "bad conscience" keeps us from attracting into our lives the things we want to be there. But are we really, truly able to do the impossible and release ourselves from the barred cell of our conscience? Can we find the balance we long for between home and work? Between our tasks, pressures, and efforts to achieve self-fulfillment and the things we hold most dear – our children? You'll find an answer to that difficult question at the end of this article. Until you get there, please equip yourself with a little patience, a pencil, and some paper.
In my book- Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here's a peek at the very first code, The Identification Code.
The Identification Code helps define your current situation and identify what needs improvement, allowing you to attract what you really want from life. This code gives us women the tools we need to identify and become acquainted with our NAF, our Negative Attraction Factor. Our NAF is the negative voice that leads us to attract into our lives what we do not want and what is not good for us. The NAF creates our current situation and prevents us from changing it to one we truly desire. In short, it keeps us from being attractive!
How? The NAF, in its many forms, instills us with fear, and, as a result, it determines the vibes we sent out. The most dominant of these vibes are negative, and they are the ones that eventually attract the things we don't want into our lives.
And while we're on the subject of conscience, those guilt pangs we feel are one of our major NAFs as working mothers. The Pangs of Guilt NAF makes us suffer in both situations – at home and at work.
This NAF has plenty of fertile ground in which to take root and flourish. It fits very nicely in that gap between our expectations of ourselves and our perceptions of our role as mother, on one hand, and the reality we live in on the other. Add to that the messages we get from our environment and research evidence pointing to the importance of the mother's role and the potentially damaging effects of her absence from the home, and our conscience has already gone into high gear.
Believe it or not, that bad conscience also serves a positive function. It's a red light that warns us to stop and change something in our lives.
Brenda Barnes was the CEO of PepsiCo when, suddenly, at the age of 43, she announced that she was resigning. The Wall Street Journal devoted two articles to the story. The first focused on Barnes' decision. What led her to take this dramatic step? She explained that after 20 years of missing birthdays, spending nights in out-of-town hotels, relinquishing precious of sleep, and missing her husband and friends, she decided she'd had enough. If not now, when? She made up her mind and just did it. The second WSJ article explored the readers' responses to Barnes' decision. Who do you think was more supportive, men or women?
You're right. It was the men. The male readers understood and defended her bold move. The female readers were livid. They wrote letters with comments like, "How can she do that to us? A woman who's come so far, and now she's turning her back on everything."
Barbara Barnes responded by saying, "I didn't do this to you, or you, or you. I did it for me and my family. In my opinion, success is defined by choice. For now, my choice is to spend more time with my family. I don't want to miss one more birthday. Now, I'll find something that doesn't force people to give up their lives for power!"
True, I'm not suggesting that we all quit our jobs tomorrow. That's not the solution for all of us, and not every woman can allow herself that option. But we've got to do some soul-searching, examine our priorities, and ask: Am I in the right place? Is this really what I want to be doing at this point in my life? Have we struck the right balance between what is most dear to us and all the rest, or are we paying too great a price for one or the other?
To prevent the monster from overpowering its creator, I recommend that each one of us begin confronting that big, bad conscience by doing the following exercise:
- On a sheet of paper, write "I feel guilt pangs when…" and take a few minutes to jot down everything that comes to mind. Don't censor yourself. Just let it flow. The very act of writing these things down is a giant step toward the release we're all aiming for.
- When, in all honesty, you've listed all your sources of guilt, write down another phrase to complete: "I 'm expected to…" Take another few minutes to write down all the things you expect of yourself and all the things your environment expects of you as a working mother (at home and at work).
Chris, one of my coaches, is a mother of two who was promoted to a senior management position at work. After writing down her expectations, she realized that high on the "home" list were being at home with her children in the afternoons, getting together with friends, and helping with homework, and high on the "work" list were being at work and devoting herself wholly to her job and her colleagues.
It was clear when we analyzed what she'd written that Chris' roles as mother and manager were at odds. She could not possibly be present simultaneously at home and at work. Based on her own expectations, she would never be satisfied with herself in either of the two roles. One would always come at the expense of the other. Chris began to realize that the impossibly high standards she had set for herself were the source of her dissatisfaction and sense of guilt.
- Now, look at the two lists you prepared, your sources of guilt and your expectations. Can you find any contradictions or collisions between the two, as Chris did?
- If you found any clash between your expectations of yourself at home and at work, prepare a new list – a more realistic and logical one. I guarantee that your revised expectations will be easier to fulfill and will go a long way in alleviating your sense of guilt.
And, of course, I owe you an answer to that difficult question: Are we really, truly able to do the impossible and release ourselves from the barred cell of our conscience?
I believe that as long as we give birth to children, and they learn to play on our most sensitive emotions and strum away on our guilt strings, we will never truly be able to escape our "bad conscience." So, let's just take it for granted that those guilt pangs exist and, with all due respect, are an inseparable, essential part of our beings as mothers. That is absolutely okay.
We've got to learn to live with them, however, in the right proportions. That is the only way we'll achieve greater balance, peace, and ripeness in our lives.
Ripeness? Of course, ripeness for the next child, or the next job. We'll show our Pangs of Guilt NAF who's boss...
What to do When Your Job Invades Your Home, Your Veins, and Your Soul?
By Orly Katz
You finally found the time to spend a pleasant afternoon with your children in the park. While you're pushing the swing and chatting with the woman right next to you, you hear that annoying sound yet again. You thought (and hoped) you'd imagined it at first, but there was no escaping it. Your office tracked you down on your mobile. "What do they want from my life? Why do they have to bother me right now?" you wonder, before you realize that you've got no choice but to answer. You know in your heart that in another few minutes you'll have to do an about-face, take the kids back home, and sit with the enemy – the computer – until you've solved the urgent problem at hand.
How does it happen that every time we long for a little peace and quiet in those hours that belong to us – to ourselves and our families alone – our work barges in and deprives us of that pleasure. With all due respect, however, the blame in these cases often lies with us. At times, in fact, we practically invite our jobs into our homes, and attract this situation into our lives. Unintentionally, we let our work take control of our lives, and, like good hosts, we attend to its every need and demand.
We live in an age when computers, Internet connections, and mobile phones are a must, and no home is complete without a computer in every room and one mobile phone per child. The world in our era is a lot smaller place than it used to be, and though it abounds with opportunities that we could never have imagined in the past, we, ironically, are so burdened that we can't move. Through our web browsers and e-mail accounts, we allow the office to enter our homes, along with its crises, daily stress, reports, and memos from the boss. "No problem. I can always finish it at home this evening." "Don't worry. You can always reach me on my mobile." "You've got my Hotmail address, so I'll get any mail you send when I'm away on vacation."
It's true that the accessibility and availability that technology affords us make our lives easier. But there's a limit! We've got to learn to say STOP.
So, how can we get things straight and prevent our jobs from invading our private space? How can we disconnect ourselves from that technology, even just a bit, and enjoy a relaxing evening as we unwind from the daily grind? In short, how can we attract the reality we desire?
The answer to that very difficult question is actually quite simple. It's the action step that's a little more complicated.
In my book- Women Decode the Law of Attraction, I present women with six very simple and effective codes for applying the Law of Attraction in their lives.
According to the Law of Attraction, the things that we think about are the things we attract into our lives, for better or for worse. We, as women, have particular patterns of thought and behavior that prevent us from attracting into our lives the reality we desire – one of peace, quiet, and balance. Instead, we attract a reality of worry, tension, and guilt pangs. Isn't it time we made some changes?
Here's a peek at the fifth code, Your Environment.
The human, physical, and conceptual environment that surrounds us has an enormous effect on our physical and mental condition, our level of satisfaction, and our ability to attract. One of the most important aspects of the "environment" code is the ability to set boundaries. Learn how to set boundaries!
What is a boundary, anyway?
Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw around ourselves as a defense mechanism, to ward off people who behave toward us in ways we consider inappropriate. These boundaries help us define who we are, how far we are prepared to go, and how far we will allow other people into our physical and emotional territory. They determine what we can request or even demand of others without feeling guilty or uncomfortable.
But, most importantly, defining boundaries enables us to feel good about ourselves, to protect us from insult and injury. We must set boundaries for concepts as well as for people, and to forbid entry to anything we see as contradicting our values, draining our energy, and preventing us from accomplishing our goals.
Honestly, now, how many times have you wanted to say to your boss, "Please don't call me at home in the evening any more. We can talk about it at work the next day." Or "I'd prefer not taking this work home with me. I can manage to do it all during working hours." But wanting is one thing and doing quite another. You wanted to, but you never dared. Now, with a little help and a lot of determination on your part, the time has come to set some boundaries in your life.
So, what's the first step?
You've got to realize, first off, that the border must be set at home and at work, and you've got to be meticulous about keeping to any decision you make.
At work, make an appointment with your boss or anyone else who wants you on call 24/7, and stand up for what you want. Explain that in order to perform your job most productively, it is important for you to separate your home life from your working life. The same way you devote yourself fully to the task at hand in the office and don't let home matters divert your attention, you want to devote your evenings to your family and put whatever might be happening at work on hold. You need to recharge your batteries and attend to your own daily matters. The next morning, you'll come to work refreshed and with renewed energy, not physically and mentally exhausted because you set no boundary between day and night.
Ask that colleagues call you at home only in dire emergencies. Tell them that the computer is there and the connection in place, but you'd prefer not to check your Inbox until the morning. Explain that you are judged by the quality (and perhaps quantity) of the work you produce, not necessarily by the number of hours you devote to the task.
At home, turn off your mobile phone or screen your calls. Turn off the computer and don't turn it on again until morning. How tempted are you just to check and see if any new mail has entered your Inbox? Just to make sure everything's okay. That "just" is the mother of all sins. The minute you sit down in front of the screen, you'll never get up. Don't be tempted. Devise an abstention plan.
And…don't think that setting boundaries is only good for computers or work. It's an excellent tool for use with husbands or children, or with mothers-in-law and friends…
And just to get you started, a brief exercise
Assertiveness, or How to Say "No" Nicely
- When do you feel uncomfortable saying "No"?
- Who is involved in these situations? (family, friends, spouse, children, colleagues, boss, etc.)
- When do you feel comfortable saying "No"? To whom?
- What is the worst thing that can happen if you say "No"?
- What have you got to gain by saying "No"?
Start practicing: To whom will you say "No" this week and live to tell the tale?
And, last but not least
What did you succeed in attracting into your life recently after practicing how to say "No"? Think about it. You'll be surprised at what you discover.
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